I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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