so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
