coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
