What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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