I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
