Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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