I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
