He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
