i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
the liver wants what the liver wants
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
