I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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