You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
