he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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