I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
