i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
