god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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