wat bout pragnant strippers??
Your mouth is God's brothel.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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