I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize