your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
