i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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