There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
