drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i was born a porn star she said
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
