Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
