I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
