this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
