you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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