all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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