There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She's the barista slut.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
