that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
