I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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