I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
