Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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