If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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