Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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