the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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