I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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