That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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