I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
