Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
