you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize