Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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