ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
