I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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