R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
