He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
