I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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