She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
