U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
