I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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