My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
