This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
