I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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