If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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