just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
