btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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