he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
