i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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