dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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