I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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