we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
