Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
