I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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