It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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