He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
