May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
