i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
