A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
