Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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