I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize