Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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