I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
They are going to name an STD after you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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