Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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