He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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