Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
