I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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